The Full Circle of a Mother's Love

I’ve been worried about Mother’s Day since the day I lost my mom. I played a reel in my head of all the talks I would miss, the moments we would no longer have, the voice I would never hear again, and the hugs that would no longer wrap around me. It’s been a self-fulfilling prophecy in the worst way. My love for her, and hers for me, was something that filled my cup, especially throughout my adult life.

I look for her everywhere and I’ve had a few moments where I’ve felt her presence. Maybe I’m willing her near me, but I don’t care. I’ll take whatever I can get.

The feelings that come along with motherhood are so profound and raw. When Tristan was little, I remember telling someone that it felt like my heart now beat outside of my chest. That my love for this human was so big and raw that my heart was no longer contained or protected within the confines of my body, but instead lived outside of it.

While I am feeling all of the feelings today, I am grateful. Grateful that I had my mom for as long as I did. Grateful that Eddie's mom loved me like her own. Grateful that my children had time, experiences, and memories with my mom throughout their lives. I will carry the love my mom and Eddie's mom gave me into the way I love my own children. I will continue to show up for them the best way I know how, so that they walk through life with the confidence and knowledge of my love for them.

There is nothing like a mother’s love. I will continue to bask in mine.